Handling Your Persistent Chyka
As a lady you really can’t ask a guy out; your duty is to position yourself to be wooed by sensible men. Many men will chase you, but you can’t accept all of them. However, there are times men you turn down continue to chase you. In this episode of Brojid Sisters, I want to share with you how to handle them.
As a lady, you really can’t ask a guy you love out, especially in Nigeria. Your duty is to prepare and position yourself to be wooed and if you want to go an extra mile, you can simply give the guy green light— not deep green o; lest he thinks you are desperate. Just a small signal.
Giving green light is discreetly letting a guy you like, who may also be interested in you, know that you are not just single and available; but equally like him. Show genuine interest in him, and be open to conversations and hangout (not sex o) with him.
Some believe that a lady should not give green light to a guy; but I don’t agree to that. I understand that sometimes, giving green light could be a sign of desperation, however, one advantage of it is that it emboldens the guy who loves you but scared of getting a ‘no’ to make the NECESSARY move.
Please note that when I said ‘prepare and position yourself to be wooed’, I wasn’t talking about stylishly opening your legs to seduce a guy, wearing push up bra, transparent dresses or short skirts. Those are desperate moves of typical part-time prostitutes and I believe you are not one. Cover your nakedness so that he sees your character and virtues!
Preparing and positioning yourself to be wooed is developing capacity as a lady to be an asset to a man you meet, fixing your character flaws (we all have them) and bad lifestyles you picked up from your upbringing and polishing your raw attributes to make yourself more attractive.
When you have positioned yourself effectively to be wooed, you will see men coming around you. You will have flood of chykas; but you cannot say yes to all of them. You just have to make a choice of one from all of them and of course ONLY when you are ready to get into a relationship.
How you handle your chykas can affect them adversely or even close doors for you. That’s why you should learn how best to handle your chyka, especially if you are not interested in him. You should learn how to say no to a guy without making him feel stupid.
Please understand that your chyka is not a rag. He is a full-fledged human being who is very likely to be sensible and responsible. He chose you out of the many other ladies he could have talked to; you owe him the respect of not treating like trash for choosing you.
You see, when a guy asks you out or proposes to you, your job is to consider him closely and determine whether you can roll with him or not. Don’t give him an answer without giving him a thought, even if he proposes on CNN camera. Whichever answer you give, be responsible enough to damn the consequences.
Resist the temptation to say yes to a man who you don’t want simply because he made the proposal public. I understand you want to save him the shame; but will you enter hell because you want to save a man that wants to manipulate you shame? Think, my sister, thinks. God didn’t build your brain for decoration!
When you decide that ‘no’ is the right answer to your chyka, you can simply state that you are not interested or better still, you can start by highlighting their virtue you like and end by telling them that, you don’t think your getting married will be the right thing to do.
When you say no to a guy after due consideration; yet he continues to pester you, let him know that your answer was not shakara; but a product of deep consideration of him and his proposal. Sit him down to drum into his ears or write him a long note to clarify him.
Understand that one of the reasons he didn’t accept your ‘no’ response as final could be because many ladies say ‘no’ as their hard-to-get plot. So, don’t be enraged by his persistent chyking despite your answer; just clear his doubt.
Many ladies resort to insulting their persistent chykas when they refuse to hear ‘no’. Even though you may have a justifiable reason to do that, I advise that you don’t. Calmly and clearly spell out that you are not interested and use your attitude to drive home the point.
If a guy won’t hear ‘no’, avoiding him, not picking his call, ignoring his messages on social media or even blocking him are better means of driving home that point without insulting him. I prefer those options to verbally insulting him so that you don’t damage his self-esteem.
There may be less available men ready for marriage than the women that are ready to be married and this creates scarcity, but don’t let that make you say yes to a man you should have no business within the first place. Will you allow thirst and scarcity of clean water make you drink poison?
If you turn down a man’s proposal because he doesn’t qualify for the Office of Your Husband, don’t let his pressures and disturbances make you change your mind. Those who married the wrong people are teaching us by their experiences that it’s better to be single than to marry the wrong person.
Some chykas will even go as far as sending your family and friends to try influencing you. Don’t forget that you are the one that will live with the person and so listen to their talk to provide answers to questions in your heart about the chyka, not pressure you to a wrong marriage.
Persistency in chyking does not necessarily mean love for you. It could be a sign of joblessness; he could be driven by the desire to prove a point or a reflection of his blindness to his true wife. So, don’t fall for the crap that his persistence is a sign of his love. Don’t!
Some persistent chykas use emotional blackmail as part of their trick to get a woman. So, if you are so emotional that you can’t stand by your decision, your defence is to block him from your space and avoid him as much as possible.
I don’t expect you to have petty things like complexion, height and origin as factors in choosing a spouse; so when you find a guy unfit to be your husband due to his lifestyle or belief, you don’t change your mind about him unless the lifestyle that disqualified him is changed.
You can say ‘yes’ to a persistent chyka if you find that your ‘no’ response was wrong. For instance, if you find that the best husbands are not domiciled in your home town, you can say yes to the confam husband material you turned down initially. It’s your second chance, don’t waste it!
As a lady, yours is to wait for your man. When men come; but you don’t deem them any of them fit to be your husband, nicely turn him down. If he continues to chase you, don’t stop running unless he qualifies himself for the Office of Your Husband.