When Wedding Ring Enters a Promiscuous Finger
On Brojid Family this week, my desire is to answer the question: Can a Wedding Ring Change a Promiscuous Man or Woman?
The Woman with Adulterous Husband
Shortly after my wedding, I went to one small market in my area to buy something and because it’s nearby, I didn’t see any need to wear my ring. In fact, the first few weeks after my wedding, the wedding ring feels odd to me and I get shy with the looks I get from people who, judging by my size and appearance, wonder, “So this boy is married?”. No worry, I now wear it boldly and it has even brought some advantages.
On that day I went out to buy something, I had been indoor for the most part of the day with the website I had to design, so instead of going back as soon as bought what I want, I decided to sit down to gist with one Igbo woman I have known in the market. While I was there, I saw two girls come to her shop scantily clad. I wasn’t attracted to them; I couldn’t have been because dressing like ashewo only made them disgusting to me. Their dressing is odd considering that this is Northern Nigeria, where even if you were not a Muslim that wears hijab, you respect yourself and just dress decently to avoid drawing wicked attention to yourself. I asked her who those girls were, just out of curiosity.
So, while we conversed, she asked for where my wedding ring was and when I told her that it’s at home, she exclaimed, “So that you can be chasing other girls, abi? You men, you are all the same.” I tried to explain to her what happened, but she wouldn’t listen. In fact, she interrupted me to emphasize, “You men are all the same; even my husband is not excluded.” It was at the point I became tired. I didn’t know what to say again and wouldn’t want to continue arguing with her before she tells me that even her father is a womanizer.
I left her shop with the feeling of anger, disappointment and confusion. That encounter left me reflecting on her mindset on a wedding ring and misconception that all men are promiscuous. It raised questions in my head and I tried to answer them.
Wedding Ring Can’t Transform the Promiscuous!
First, I want you to understand that people don’t become promiscuous because they are not married or have their spouse around them or have no wedding ring on their finger. The promiscuous is so irrespective of those. The promiscuous become so by their mindset, association and exposures which makes them feel incapable of restraining the urge to have sex with anyone they see. Even when the promiscuous have three wives, he will still want to ‘have a teste’ of other girls.
Wedding ring is not strong enough restraint to a sexually loose person. No doubt my wedding rings tell SENSIBLE LADIES, “You may like this guy, but you came late because he is PERMANENTLY taken.” It does and I am a witness. Even when a womanizer wears a wedding ring, he will tell another girl that her wife is dirty and not skilled in the “other room”. The promiscuous woman with a wedding ring will claim that she is so because she wants to get money, contract, promotion for the family or that her husband is not satisfying her.
The truth is that a wedding ring can help the one who wants to be faithful to his spouse; however, if you think a wedding ring scares girls away from married men, you are wrong. I have met a lady who told me she dates ONLY married men because ‘they are more caring than all those boys.’ There are girls who see nothing wrong with sleeping married men provided that will ensure they get the favour, money or anything they want from the man. A wedding ring can’t scare them away, only a chaste man can! In the same vein, there are men who have no respect for the fact that a woman is married once their diopka starts to point in her direction. A wedding ring can’t scare such men; the woman’s resolve to be faithful to her husband can!
Moreover, I have seen times where a young man who has demonstrated to be a chronic womanizer is advised and even supported to get married or a young girl who sleeps with any man that looks in her direction quickly given out in marriage as the cure for their promiscuity. That’s a futile effort! When a promiscuous person gets married, the wedding ring doesn’t make him chaste; it only changes him from a fornicator to an adulterer!
It’s equally important to know that the absence of a wedding ring doesn’t make a faithful man promiscuous. He is not faithful because of a piece of metal that can be removed at any time. He is faithful because he has been transformed to be so. So, if he doesn’t wear a wedding ring because it reacts on his skin, he doesn’t have money to buy one or because he believes that wearing metal will take him to hell(lol), he doesn’t become a womanizer! He is simply a faithful man without a wedding ring. The same applies to the woman who doesn’t wear a wedding ring.
My point is that a chronic womanizer will not suddenly become a saint because of a wedding ceremony; unless a heavy dose of supernatural power was released to him on his wedding day. That’s why I don’t understand it when people express surprise at a career womanizer who still enter any available hole after his wedding. Any baggage, you don’t tame before marriage goes in with you unless you deal with it.
My Village People and Their Barbaric Practice
There is a senseless, barbaric and selfish practice in my hometown which implies that if my wife commits adultery, she will go mad. But I am allowed to sleep with as many women as I choose and it’s not a big deal. Many of town men believe that their wives will be faithful to them; just because of that. Arrant nonsense! I know my wife will be faithful to me not because of such practice which NEVER applies to her…but simply because she HAS THE CAPACITY to be faithful and she is a Christian woman who fears God and will not sleep with another person aside from me.
Every Christian has the capacity to live above sin. The sin that seems too powerful are the ones we make allowance for. True hatred for sin is one way to deal with it, not the fear of its consequences. When we start excusing sin in the guise of ‘this is my weakness’ we make room for it to take root in our lives. You don’t reason sin away; you live out the victory over it ACQUIRED by your faith in CHRIST JESUS.
Now, if a woman is faithful to her husband because of the fear of going mad, she is doing well. However, if that’s the basis for you, a CHRISTIAN WOMAN, for being faithful to your husband, you are a DISAPPOINTMENT! As Christians, we are not supposed to be faithful to our spouses because we may be found and be disgraced or go to hell. If you are smart, you will do it cleanly and nobody will find out. I’m telling you. If you ask God to forgive you, He will. So, why not just continue? The SIMPLE reason we don’t commit adultery as Christians are because it’s DISPLEASING to God. Other reasons are secondary!
By the way, if you have a challenge with a particular sin or some that seem to be second nature to you, there is help for you. The help you need is in the transformation of your life.*
“Brojid, You No Dey Wear Your Wedding Ring?”
Because of why? Just that I went for that day’s ration of roasted corn around my house and a woman saw me without ring said it’s because I want to chop ogbono outside. It pained me because many women like her who had a womanizing father, uncle, brothers and even husband think every man is a he-goat like the men in her life.
The erroneous mindset that every man is promiscuous has trans generational consequences. The lady who thinks all men are cheat sees her husband, even if he is a saint, as an adulterer by default. Even more disheartening is that she won’t put effort to tame her son when they start showing early signs of promiscuity. The problem is that she not only has an adulterer as a father, but she also married one as a husband and raised a number of them as sons.
I wrote articles like, “Who Said All Men Are Promiscuous?” and “Promiscuity is a Choice, not Genetic.” too help women understand how men become promiscuous and how they can be helped. You can read them on brojid.com.
A wedding ring is good as a symbol of being married and if you are married, you should do your best to wear yours always. It can at least help those who start falling for you know that they are wasting their time and keep some of those who want to want to seduce you from trying. However, know that your wedding ring doesn’t immune you from seduction from girls or advances from men. So, be on your guard. Very importantly, understand that a married person can be wearing a ring, yet promiscuous and another may be without a ring yet very faithful.
*The transformation of a promiscuous man does not come from a piece of metal exchanged at a wedding; it comes as such one feed on the word of God that renews his mind and empower him to live in a manner pleasing to God. Pastor Bankie has some messages which I tag, Conquering Sin Series, and they are good prescriptions for anybody tugged by ANY sin. They include: “Faith Killed by Sin”, “Inhabitation of God”, “Giant Killers”, “True Righteousness Revealed”, “Dominion Over Sin” They are available for FREE download on pastor.ng. When you are done with your first listening of all of them, you can start listening to “Faith Killed by Sin” and “Desperate for Purity” morning and night for two weeks or thirty days. Sin is a disease and it should be attacked as one with these medications!