MAKE YOUR DISAGREEMENTS STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE
In a relationship, disagreement is bound to happen and whenever it happens, it comes with destructive and constructive powers. What gets manifested in your case depends on how you handle it. That’s why on Brojid Lifestyle this week, I want to share with you how to turn off the destructive potentials of your disagreements and make it strengthen your love. Meanwhile if you think that you can never disagree with someone you love dearly, please see my last week posts, You Can Disagree with Your True Love.
Many relationships have crashed due to disagreement while some have waxed stronger by it. The difference is how the people involved handled their disagreements. Many people allow their disagreements to kill their relationship because they fail to forgive when offended. They take offences to heart. They don’t consider that it may have been a mistake or unavoidable. They allow offences to advance to the level where it becomes unmanageable!
No matter how good your partner is, he/she is not God. He/she has his flaws and they usually become glaring when you come together. Your parents are not perfect people; don’t allow their offences to you put a strain your relationships with them. No matter how bad your child has been despite your efforts to make him a good boy, forgive him. Don’t allow his lifestyle make you bitter towards him. You have to train yourself to tolerate and handle people’s character flaws while helping them get better.
It’s common to adjudge people as perfect because of their public image; but that’s erroneous. I may be a good CEO, writer, singer or pastor but that doesn’t make me faultless. No matter how good a person is outside, just know that the part of him or her you don’t like will become visible when you get close. It doesn’t mean he has been pretending o; it’s just that you have come close enough to notice the flaws. When you find the fault, tolerate, forgive and help him get better.
When people disagree and refuse to come together to reach an agreement or settle whatever offence they have given or revived from their partners, they expose their relationships to eventual crash. However, when you disagree and humbly come together to resolve whatever disagreement you have, you stand a good chance of agreeing with each other and making your bond stronger.
While you are busy trying to establish that you are angry with him and really show it, the wound he inflicted on you in getting deeper and more difficult to heal. That’s why it’s better to let go as soon as possible and move on.
When you disagree or have issues with your partner, don’t take the offence too far that you forget you have a relationship to protect. Don’t justify your wrong doing with irrational logic. Don’t wait for who will come first; make the first move, it’s YOUR relationship not one person’s!
Wear the cloth of humility and take the first step towards your reconciliation. Arm yourself with the virtue of forgiveness so that you can let go of whatever he may have done to you even before he apologizes. Trust him enough to believe the explanation for his wrong doing or misunderstanding.
I have seen relationships that crashed; not because the disagreement was big enough to crash them; but because one of the parties sought advice from the wrong source. See, everybody should not have a say on your relationship. There are people that have no business in your relationships; they know very little about life and how to give you the right counsel.
I am not saying you can’t seek counsel from people when you disagree, but be careful who you seek counsel from. The fact that someone is your roommate doesn’t mean she is qualified to give you counsel. Even if the right person to seek counsel from is miles away, call or text her or don’t ask from anyone. The fact that you hangout with some guys/men and they discuss their wife doesn’t mean you should discuss yours. It’s worst if the hangout is in a pub where drunk men give themselves counsel for running their relationships! Hmmm. I believe no counsel is far better than wrong counsel.
Many times we fall into the trap of seeking counsel from the wrong persons because of how we feel and the need to talk to someone. But we are actually commander in chief of our emotions and we should exert the authority we have over our emotions. For me, when I feel I need to talk to someone, I take a walk and talk to the birds of the air or talk to my blank computer or phone screen. Yes, I pour my anger there!
When I feel I can’t do without talking to someone, I ensure that the person qualifies to hear what transpired and has substance to offer. The foundation for my belief system is not my village tradition, American philosophy or any human opinion. I derive instruction for my life from the word of God contained in the Holy Bible. If you don’t have the same total belief in the Bible and use it for life, you can give me counsel for how to fix my laptop, buy good shoes but NOT how I should lead my life, including my relationships.
Before I leave you this week, I’d like you to know that things are naturally designed to disintegrate and break down unless something is done to preserve it. That’s why a great deal of efforts is required to sustain your relationships. You can’t just sit down, fold your arms and watch and see your relationships thrive. You have to make it work!
I pray for you: In your disagreements with your true love, may you grow stronger and not disintegrate!
Meanwhile, if you need more help on how to ensure your relationship doesn’t disintegrate because of disagreement, get in touch with us for a live or online coaching session. Do well to freely share this post with another person. It may be what someone needs to attain peak performance in his life and work.