Best Spouse; not Domiciled in Your Village!
In this series, Clear the Fog to See Your Spouse, my goal is to share with you enough truths that will help you recognize your spouse when you see her or he appears.
I have found that many people can’t recognize their spouse because they think the best spouses are found only in their village, town or ethnic group.
But that’s not correct!
Of course they have their reasons and I quite understand them; but the truth is that what they lose in sticking to such ideas is far greater than what they gain.
Usually, young people don’t come up with the view that they must marry among their village people but society conditions their mind to think that way and without realizing it, they disqualify potential spouses without giving them a chance to demonstrate their competence.
But why do old people prefer and even insist in marrying from their village?
One of the reasons include ensuring similarity in culture, ideologies and values due to similarity of background.
The thinking is that this will ensure peaceful relationship and happy marriage. As sincere as it seems, I make bold to say that this thinking is very faulty!
The fault in it is that being born in same environment doesn’t translate to similarity in value and consequently world view let alone great marriage.
I have seen people who married from the same village, town or ethnic group; yet they live in their homes like cat and dog.
The real similarity in value and ideologies is based on similarity in exposure, education, religion and influencers. With this, it becomes extremely easy to unite with anybody and relate with them peacefully.
The best spouse that will ensure peaceful in your home is not domiciled in your village; she can be found anywhere in the world.
When you people find each other compatible and decide to make your relationship work, the variations in your culture and background will turn out to be a plus your relationship.
Similarly, some parents tell their children they don’t marry people from certain area due to war that happened decades ago.
What in this God’s earth is the scene is stopping a great family that could birth great children because of wars they have no idea about?
Even if parents chose not to forgive families, villages and ethnic groups that hurts their forefathers, shall we equally allow ourselves become tool of entrenching bitterness and hatred?
No na! It doesn’t make sense!
Again, some say that people in certain area have a particular negative trait and so will not make good spouse.
This doesn’t make sense because it’s an unfair generalization to say people from certain village or region are bad.
If you consider your region or village, you will find that other people must have given you blanket label. But everybody in that village is not like the outsiders claim.
In the same vain, when you turn down a man’s proposal because men from that area don’t know how to treat women or not give women from certain region a chance for marriage with you, you shut yourself out from the opportunity to marry a correct spouse .
No matter how bad a group of people seems, you will always find exceptions and these exceptions are increasing by the day as the media, education and internet has exposed us to wide culture mix.
In this generation, it’s not about where you come from; it’s largely about who you become.
We become by virtue of our education, interactions and exposures. That’s how come the girl that comes from the areas adjudged home of bad wives could have emerged one of a kind virtuous women.
By the way, many of those labels are based on observations of the old which may not apply in this generation and should not be given any serious attention.
So, are you saying I should go against my parents wish?
No, don’t go against their wish. I mean, they are your parents that laboured to make you who you are and fed you when you couldn’t even help yourself. They are your God.
So, do as they say…
But let me ask you a simple question: will you mix your early morning pap with the urine and drink because you want to go according to your parents wish?
So, what’s a reasonable thing to do when they don’t agree with you your choice of spouse from the forbidden region?
Help them see why marrying from the forbidden area is not an issue. Talk sense into them and persuade them to see things from your view point.
Many times, they don’t know better. They don’t even know why they do what they do. They are just following antiquated traditions devoid of sound reasoning. They just don’t want to be do what most people around haven’t done.
You cannot do something you know to be wrong because you don’t want to against their presents’ wish.
With all due respect, although parents are more than 99%sincere, I dare say they are sometimes wrong, especially in this matter of choice of spouse!
They are wrong because they don’t want to let go of their outdated knowledge of an issue. They are holding to what they know to be reasonable without considering more reasonable truths. They are limited in what they know and even when they learn more, they find it hard to let go of what they have believed ion the past.
I have heard people say that it’s respect for parents to marry from the region they adjudge fit; but I disagree. Respect for them is that I marry a woman that will make their child have happy married life; not one that will fit into societal specifications and live in perpetual pains.
My counsel is that if you ever decide to marry anybody against your parents wish, be dead sure you know who you are marrying to. Be sure God is on your side, wherever you stand against by your parents.
Good spouse can be found anywhere and you should not close your eyes to good spouse because they are not from your village or region.Open your eyes to see good spouse away from your area. Come together and bring your different rich cultural heritage to build a great family. Don’t reject people because of their place of birth; you may rob yourself of good spouse as a result!
To learn more on this subject matter, please listen to my free podcast, Marrying Among Your People
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