BROS: WHAT MANNER OF HUSBAND IS THIS?
Again, I am still talking about my course mate and my after launch-break encounter with her. As we strolled back to the class for the afternoon session of our classes, she explained how I am being gentlemanly by carrying her bag. As we walked, she told a story that shocked me. She told us, me and her closer friend, that when she went abroad with her husband, he opened the door for her to pass but she was surprised at his new gesture. In excitement for that kind of treatment, she begged that it continues that way at home. But her husband said, “It ends here on!” to my surprise, my friend said that he kept to his words back home in Nigeria – refused to show such gestures.
It should be our goal as men to make our wives happy at all time. They should continually thank God for the privilege of marrying us. When God opens your eyes to see how to achieve this, do it for her. Don’t try to maintain cultural standard that contradict God’s precepts for us as it relates to our wives. It didn’t help our fathers. That’s why some of them married more than our mothers, acquired girlfriends or divorced their wives. It’s not in the blood of an African man not to treat women nice! What you don’t want the world see you do your wife, don’t do it to her in your privacy.
This got me thinking almost throughout the day wondering why her husband should behave that way. Is it a bad thing to treat a wife as well? Is it not something worth thanking God to know what makes your wife happy so that you now have the key for making her an ever happily married woman in your house? The thought of my encounter with my course mate could not leave me almost throughout the day.
As I ruminate over this I felt the urge to share with you some truths that you may find useful as you get ready for marriage or live with your spouse.
It’s a good goal to work towards making your spouse happy all the days of her life with you. This requires trying to figure out what makes him/her happy and doing all you can to make her truly happy. The even the Bible teaches that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. So, why would you find out what makes your wife happy and refuse to do it for her again and again? It’s not the spirit of Christ to know what will make his wife, the church and not continually do it so as to make them happy. My brother, don’t take after this our brother; it’s not the best option.
Again, there is this belief that whatever you want to get from people, you should give it out also. To an extent, I believe in this also. Why not give your wife happiness and get happiness. Though, it’s a selfish motivation to give just because you want to get, but if the noble motive of just seeing your wife happy is not strong enough to motivate you to make her happy, make her happy because that is what you get back. I heard a woman on radio who was a victim of domestic violence, narrate her experience. She said that her husband finished beating her and two days later came asking for marital intimacy and she turned it down because she is psychologically down to give him what he wants. Even though, I do not support the idea of punishing your spouse by denying him sex, you make it almost impossible for her to be in the right frame of mind to give it to you when you never bothered about her happiness.
Another question on my mind was: is there any such thing as holiday marriage? Not at all! Bros, it doesn’t make sense that you treat your wife badly in the public, but handles her as though she is not a human being when you are at home. That is hypocrisy! Your children are watching o; they know that you are not being sincere. I understand that we are not perfect, but we MUST continually work towards perfection every time. When you offend her; make an effort not to do that again. When things have fallen apart in your home; work on repairing it. First, find out if it’s your fault before you blame her or her siblings living with you. Don’t pretend that everything is alright.
What is the main thing I am saying here? It should be our goal as men to make our wives happy at all time. They should continually thank God for the privilege of marrying us. When God opens your eyes to see how to achieve this, do it for her. Don’t try to maintain cultural standard that contradict God’s precepts for us as it relates to our wives. It didn’t help our fathers. That’s why some of them married more than our mothers, acquired girlfriends or divorced their wives. It’s not in the blood of an African man not to treat women nice! What you don’t want the world see you do your wife, don’t do it to her in your privacy. Note that I do not claim to be prefect; I pray that God helps me treat me wife the same way God would treat her if He were to be her husband.
