[INTERVIEW] REV SAM KADIBIA: MY SECRET OF CHASTITY IN COURTSHIP
Rev Sam Kadibia, a priest in the Anglican Communion, Nsukka Dioceses, is a regular preacher in youth conferences and programmes. In this conversation with BROJID.COM EDITOR, JOSEPH DINWOKE, he talked about sexual temptations in courtship, his personal experience and the secret of chastity in courtship. It’s practical; in-depth and enlightening…sit back for the Scriptural People today.
Thanks for joining on today on Scriptural People. Please may we meet you.
My name is Rev Samuel Chukwukadibia Eze. I’m a Priest in Anglican Communion, ordained in 2012. I am currently serving at St Cyprians Chapel, Nsukka. I’m a man that loves God, wish to serve Him with all my heart and follow His dictates.
Right. Today we are looking at relationship and chastity. Some people believe that if you are in courtship, you can have sex after all you will eventually get married. Some others believe that sex is a no no until marriage. What’s your view?
Well, we are in a society where different people have different views about life but one thing you should ask yourself is: who am I? As a young girl or boy getting into courtship are you getting into courtship as a Christian or ordinary human being that move about and live normal life?
As far as I am concerned I should be going into it as a child of God. In that case, whatever I will like to do in that courtship should be according to the will of God and instructions by the word of God.
Now, in courtship, one thing you should understand is that when a young boy and girl come with a proper understanding of who they are, with the thinking that they can settle for marriage, one thing they have to bear in mind is that marriage is not a child’s play. It’s not a mere business that you can just jump into it. It’s a business of life. It’s a business of destiny, as long as you are alive.
Immediately you are saying that you are going down the aisle with the person, first thing you have is the conclusion in your heart that all about you will committed to him/her.
The next question you need to yourself is: what do I want in this marriage? This will be the basis for your courtship. If you say you are a Christian and wants to do the will of God, one of the wills of God is chastity because the Bible upholds.
For a youth who is about to get married, one of the things you need to understand is that holiness is required. Chastity is required. In that case, you need to have it at the back of your mind that what the Bible requires from us as regards marriage is that you must keep your bed be holy.
From what you said, I understand that you stand with those who say you shouldn’t have sex in courtship. But you should understand that when you love some, sometimes you feel the urge to have sex. Or is it a sign of carnality or immaturity?
No! No! No!
So, how do you handle such feelings?
One thing about marriage is that anybody you want to get married to and you don’t have any emotional feeling for that person. I don’t think the marriage will work. Sure!
Reason being that marriage is spiritual. Marriage is carnal; carnal in the sense that there must be a feeling that will finally consummate when you get married and sleep with your spouse.
So, when you are getting married to anybody and you don’t have any emotional feeling towards that person, I will advise, you run away because that marriage will not survive. The Bible made it clear that a man and woman will know each other; so, such a feeling is one of the things that make marriage to work.
But when you get to courtship with that feeling, you need to take a lot caution.
One, you need to discipline yourself knowing that tomorrow is better than today. And what you are going to enjoy tomorrow don’t waste it by testing it half half. You don’t need to rush into something you know will be tired of.
But do you mean people actually get tired of it (sex) when they get married?
I will talk out of experience. When I was hearing about sex, marriage, relationship and all that(because I wasn’t into such things), I thought it was so special. Actually, it’s special and interesting; but you discover that it’s not the way you hear it that it is. So, if you rush into it the way you hear about it, you may discover finally that it’s not what it is. But when you go gradually and understand God’s will for your life, then you begin to take the step one by one; not rushing into it. Instead, what you should do is to wait, discipline yourself; decide on what you want in your marriage.
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Two, know what the word of God is saying concerning it and obey it not to please man or gain something but to please heaven.
When you want God to take charge of your marriage, you need to do all it takes. Follow everything that will help you attract God into your marriage.
Let me get a little more specific. When you were courting your wife, did you at any point feel this urge and feel seriously tempted…
Yea. As a human; especially when we are together discussing. Definitely, the body will react but one thing I always tell myself is: ‘Oga cool down. This thing you want to rush into is waiting for you.’ So, when such things come up, what you need to do is this: try and give yourselves a little distance.
I marvel at times when you see young boys who want to get married and every night the girl is in his house; anywhere you see the girl, you see the boy. It will always expose you to sexual temptations.
When you are courting, you have known that you will get married; but it doesn’t warrant being together everywhere. My point is that one practical steps to take is avoid too much meeting or have a place of meeting like the church, leaders house….Don’t meet alone. If you must meet alone, meet in open place. Not ‘You are welcome to my bedroom let’s talk’ No no no. If you do that you will definitely be tempted and you will likely fall into what you don’t want to do.
There are people that got married; yet they didn’t maintain chastity. Do you think they lost anything?
Ahah! You lose the spirit of God and the confidence you have in God. By moving into it, you expose yourself to so many dangers. By the time you are not in good tune with God, devil will come in and when devil comes into your marriage and help you establish your marriage, you won’t blame God.
Many people go into it thinking that they will escape but if you have fallen into it and you don’t repent from your heart, definitely, you will get the consequences. But know it that going into such and act can lead to many consequences such as premarital pregnancy and so many other things.
Now, we are summarizing. Imagine that there are two youths – a guy and a lady – who are in courtship sitting here. Talk to them about courtship and chastity directly.
Miss B you are courting Mr A. You love him and both of you want to establish a future that will make name for the kingdom of God. One thing you should know is that this one”(Mr A) will be forever yours till death do you part. Don’t do anything that will mar his ministry and anytime you are with him, always have it in mind that whatever you do before the wedding will always result in danger in his life and his destiny.
And you Mr A, looking at this Miss B, very pretty young girl. Don’t worry; this beauty will be all yours in not so distance time. But if you rush it, you only see the ugly side of it because whatever that has been ordained for you, there is no need stealing it gradually. Wait until the day she will be handed over to you so that you will enjoy it.
Both of you, you should lay down the conditions for your courtship and write them down. If any of you want to violate it, call the person’s attention, ‘this is not our agreement.’