It feels good to be in love but many people who have been in love have tales of woes to tell about their love life. A major factor I found is the cause of many problems in their relationships stem from immaturity by the time they are falling in love. That’s why I want us to consider how to get qualified to be in love before you step into one or so that you consider stepping out of the one you are into now so as to go and qualify.

Are You Mature Enough?

Before you fall in love, you need to attain emotional, bodily and spiritual maturity. Love relationships involve your emotions; that is your feeling. But life is not all about love and should not even be given plenty attention even when you have come of age. As a youth, a more productive use of your use of your emotions is in laying strong foundation for your future and not on any boy or girl.

I believe that emotional stability is one of the most important factor you need to consider factor before falling in love. Many young people, especially the girls get distracted from their academic or even spiritual development when their hearts are broken. Others lose focus of their future because they are obsessed with their objects (boy/girl) of love. Believe me; this condition will cripple any youth’s future if not taken care of.

Even at maturity it’s wrong for your life to revolve around love relationship because what God created people to do in life is not to fall in love. Therefore, if you want to fall in love you should ensure you have come at the level of maturity when you can concentrate on important things of life – going to school, pursuing God and your assignment in life – so that you are not distracted. If you can’t do that, while in love, I advise you: steer clear of love for now; you are still a babe. It’s doesn’t matter your age!

Can You Give It the Required Time         

One more thing you need to know about your time and love relationship is that it requires time. If you have not grown to the point where you can give adequate time for your relationships and still go about your most important assignments in life, please don’t border starting.

Please listen to me; your youthful age, I believe, was given to you to lay solid foundation for your future; a foundation for character development, mental development and spiritual development.   It’s also at this point you can go about walking for God effectively since you have the energy, zeal and muscle. My dear, let your focus be on your development and executing the task you were created for. Any relationship that does not encourage you in the pursuit of your purpose or is not an avenue for the fulfillment of your purpose is a distraction and should be treated as one.

Believe me, it’s not a sin to be a friend with the opposite sex provided you keep yourself from defilement. So, I’m not trying to scare you from having friends. But from hindsight I can say that most of those friendships started because you go for evangelism together or you always see in class may result in the buildup of emotion that will bring about your destruction. That’s why I advise you: don’t desire to have a lover, as you see in movies. Even if you regularly interact with a member of the opposite sex, make effort to keep your mind and conversation pure. Don’t engage in conversations that get you imagining all manner of evils and even gets you sexually aroused. Set boundaries on when and where you meet. If you catch yourself admiring and fantasizing about him, give yourself a knock and declare, “It’s not time; God help me please.” I have had to apply all kinds of tactic to keep ladies from my mind especially when I know that my likening them have assumed a distracting dimension. When one fails, I devise another strategy.

Please wait until it’s time. When it is time, believe me, you will go about love with peace of mind and not guilt at all. It will be more gainful than painful. It will save your future and destinies attached to yours. At the right time, you will be equal to the task and not be distracted about it. You will know that you have come to the right time when you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically equipped to tackle diverse challenges coming from relationships while maximizing it for your assignment on the earth.

Let Me See Your Pocket, Please.

Being in love places a demand on your pocket. Can you meet the demand or will the desire to meet the demand make you take steps that will truncate your future. Many guys have landed themselves into trouble because they are trying to impress a lady with money but don’t have so they steal. Even some have used the money they should have used to pay for seminars or buy books to give a lady because they think they must be in love. By the way, buying things for a lady or even giving her money is not a bad thing to do. Truth is: if you love somebody, you will always want to do something good for him or her. The problem is when you know that you are only managing to survive and build yourself up and you start sharing the money with a lady to make hair. Wait until when you can spend such money without stealing, lying to your parents or cheating on your destiny. It’s better!

Have You Got The Right Mindset About Your Lover?

Being in love is the initiator of a relationship between you and an opposite sex. Usually, the way you treat people is the way you see them. That is why one of your qualifying factor before falling in love is to be sure you have the right mindset.

My sister,

What do you call guys? Dogs? Cheats? ATM machine? These are examples of wrong opinion about guys. When you see him as a dog and cheat, you can’t trust him. You will be uncomfortable when you see him charting with another lady. You keep checking his inbox and giving him surprise visits; which in my opinion is not necessary. You may have heard people say that men are dogs and believe it, you are a poison in that relationship.  Your expectation and perhaps words (which carries power) can even make a saint a dog. God knows I can’t have any serious relationship with any lady that has such mindset about men because with her belief, she will milk life out of me so checkmate me that I won’t have breathing space and she can even talk me into being a cheat.

Again, let me say this: men are not ATM machine. Ladies that have more respect before their lover are those who exhibit good degree of independence from their lover especially on the matter of money. If I were you, I won’t ask him for money directly or stylishly; he is not my parent or husband. Find out something you can do for yourself to earn money. Take the advice of my friend, Philip Asuquo in his article, Dear someone’s Future Wife. By the way, if you felled in love with him for money, you felled for the ‘wrongest’ reason. There are more sensible reason to be in love than getting someone who will be giving you money.

The power of your expectation is that you attract to yourself what you expect strongly with reasons. It’s a principle of life. That’s why you are a poison in your relationship that you expect the person you are in love to be a cheat because you have some liars say that men are cheats.Please alighn your expectation right.

Related:  Harness Your Opportunities for Free Mentoring as a Youth


What is your opinion about women? Sex machine? Devil? Distraction? Those are wrong ways to see  women. Women are a not sex machine; that was not why they were created. They are as much sex instrument as men. If all your friend has got to offer is sex, she is empty! If you love her help her upgrade. Stop giving her money to fix until she had fixed knowledge on her brain. Sponsor her to fix skills in her hands. I have heard this in the past, even among women that women are devils. They have all their stories to tell but I don’t believe a word of that statement. They meet devils and perhaps they are devils and concluded that every woman is devil. I am going to get married and she cannot be or have semblance of Devil. I will marry a woman who has God’s DNA and live out God’s life naturally. She is not coming into my life to steal my destiny or destroy me like Devil. She will come to join with to attract the blessing of God into my life. She will be a capable help to me in the fulfillment of my purpose on the earth and together we will help each other fulfill our purpose on earth. To find her is not to find hardship but the favour of God in every area of my life.

My brother, see women the way God sees them: creature made by God for your good. I used to see them as distraction so much that I had planned earlier to be a celibate so I can concentrate and fulfill my assignment on the earth. Of course that perception was due to what older men said about women and how they seem to be the people destroying their homes. But today, I don’t see them as such.

In fact, in my reluctance to start publishing what I write online (blogging), it was a woman who spurred me to take the first step and my strongest supporter in running this is a woman. My publishing and distribution of 1000 tracts, Wisdom for School Leavers, to school leavers was a result of the words and strong support of my invisible partner, a lady.

The point I have made here is that the way you see your lover affects your attitude towards him or her and how you treat her. Please make sure you get your mindset rightly set.  If you have the wrong mindset which is manifested in your attitude, you will most certainly treat her wrongly. So, before you fall in love first settle down and first get the right mindset. If you are already in love, ensure your mind is set right or step out now.

What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

If you don’t know what you are here on earth, what are you going into relationship for. My friend you need to ascertain or at least have a vague idea of what it is. It helps you determine who can be you lover and who cannot. It gives you a preoccupation so that he doesn’t preoccupy your mind so much that when his phone number is switched off for a whole day, you become restless.

See, every human being is born for an assignment and the purpose of life is carrying out the assignment totally and properly. That is why an important matter to settle before looking for or waiting for a life partner is discovering your purpose on earth. This is saves you from getting entangled with someone who will be a distraction or discouragement to your assignment instead of being a support to its execution.

Another advantage of discovering what  you are here on earth for is and being occupied getting and ready to execute is that it generally make you busy enough not to think about him too much and create too much space in your heart for him that once he lives you start crying of heart-break.

What Have You Got To Offer?

I hate to be in any relationship where I don’t have something tangible to offer. It makes me look like a taker which I am not. I am a giver dispensing the nature of God to humanity. So, what nature of God has been made available in great dosage in you that someone will want to have? Please note that if all you do for her is giving her money and she does for you is giving you sex, two of you need to grow up. Actually, I believe you are wasting your time and destiny. You should have something tangible to offer. It is a key to inseparability and goes a long way in making you invaluable to one another.

A lady told of her friend that what she likes about him is that he is highly knowledgeable and broadens her horizon when they talk or chat on social media. I have many friends; one of what I like about one of them is that she seems to be balance to my life. Sometimes, I take an extremist position on certain issues without realizing until she calls my attention to a balance. She sees me as her mentor and teacher. I have nothing to do with her behind closed doors. What have you got to offer? Make of use it’s invaluable!

You Can Step Out Today                             

Please, don’t get the impression that I’m committed to persuade you to stop enjoying your relationships and therefore wants to break it. I’m only concerned that you may jump into something that will hurt you and thwart God’s plan for your future.

Now, if from the forgoing, you have realized that it’s not yet time to be in a love relationship and you want to get out, keep a date with us as we guide you how to step out of accidental love.

DISCLAIMER!!! My definition of being in love is not at all relationship between opposite sex where they have sex. I am talking about emotional attachment to a person because he or she is a picture of what you see as a good friend or potential spouse which naturally leads to constant and long phone calls, desire to see one each other and strong affection for each other. If you add premarital sex to it, you are on your own. My friend, premarital sex is destructive!!! I will rather wait to have it when God, man and my conscience will be not against me.

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Joseph Dinwoke

Chief Content Officer at Brojid World
Joseph 'Brojid' Dinwoke, Radio producer/OAP at Radio Nigeria Voice96.7FM, and publicist, is the curator of Brojid.com. At Brojid World, he creates contents and provides training, mentoring, coaching and inspiration for peak performance in your life and work through blog posts, podcasts, books and training. You can follow him on social media by clicking on any of these social media icons. To get his daily inspirational and insightful broadcast on WhatsApp, connect with him with: 0810 550 4664

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