WHEN YOUR APOLOGIES ARE REJECTED

Despite the enormous powers of apologies to alleviate the pains of hurt, like I explained to you on the last episode of BrojidStepUp there are times when it gets rejected. You can tender apologies; yet they get turned down. I don’t wish that your apologies don’t get accepted; but it’s a matter of fact that sometimes, your apologies will be rejected irrespective of how tender and heartfelt it is. That’s a situation you should learn to handle. My desire today is to share with you how to handle the rejection of your apologies.

When your apologies are rejected, it could mean that the hurt was so deep that the apologies could do little at that time. It doesn’t mean that you will never be forgiven.  It simply means that your forgiveness, like an ATM machine, is processing. In this case what you need do is to persist in apologising and waiting while your forgiveness is processing. #Lol.

Sometimes, people need to first be on their own and calm down before they can listen to your apologies or explanation for offence. I prefer to be on my own first and first forgive you before we can talk so that you don’t make forgiving you harder for me by your utterances. Please allow them at that time; just ensure that it doesn’t last too long so that the offence doesn’t fester.

It’s not all the time that your apologies are rejected that your relationship is terminated. One way to discern that rejection of your apologies is not termination of your relationship is that the offended doesn’t say or suggest it. They may rant, recount what you did to them and flare up, but they hardly say it’s over between you. In this case, what’s happening is that they are overwhelmed by their emotion. They are still beclouded by the feeling of the hurt; they are still at shocked what you did.

Sometimes, persistence in apologies are not what you need to have it accepted. What you need to do is to allow or help the hurt heal. Sometimes, we try different methods of healing the hurts from offence but they are not ultimately effective. For instance, a woman thinks that the easiest way to get her husband to accept her apologies is to cook his best food. While this may work in some instance, it’s not a sure strategy. Unless your offence is that you have been giving him bad food, I see no need for it.

Similarly, I have seen parents or older people who think that buying gifts and stuffs for their children is a way to make their apologies accepted. In fact, I was in a family recently and the madam of the house was apologising to a young lady living with them and begged that she would buy her egg and noodle. I almost laughed; because it sounded ridiculous to me. What the lady wanted was the assurance of the madam that she won’t default in the areas she pointed out; but the woman never did. She first defended her faults and made the girl cry before offering noodle. Noodles of all thing? Chai!  

That’s why I strongly suggest that when your apologies are rejected, please take a step further to help the offended understand that you are sorry. She must not be in doubt about this. If you can, explain what you will do differently so that there won’t be a repeat of the offence. There are more potent strategies in securing forgiveness than buying gifts or even offering sex to your spouse.

At times apologies are rejected because the offended has made up his mind to call your relationships quits.  You can discern this by checking if you have repeated the offence time and again. If that’s the case, it could be that he has had your offence to his neck and therefore can no longer endure it.

In this case, you have to move on with your life. Don’t cry over spilled milk. Pick the lessons from your mistakes and forge ahead for a more fulfilling relationship. If you find it difficult to do, please read my mini book, Handling Relationship Breakup.

PS: You can learn more on this subject from my 10-Minutes podcasts, Reacting to People’s Hurts & Offences ; The Power of Forgiveness & Making Forgiving Easier