Help the Perpetual Offender
I have explained that the perpetual offender is not so because he chose to, but because he can’t help but offend you since he has come under an influence. He is an offender; not by choice but by influence. He therefore needs help from you to navigate this stage in his life. On BrojidStepUp today, I want to show you how to help a perpetual offender.
The greatest help you can offer a perpetual offender is to point him to the influences he has exposed himself to, that produces his offensive lifestyle and the need to dislodge such influences. He may not know and that’s why you need to show him. Please talk to him with utmost care. Talk to him in a very calm state when you are not feeling the heat of the offence. Let him know how his behaviour is adversely affecting you and why he needs to drop the mindset that births the behaviour.
Sometimes, pointing it out may not be necessary. Just introduce him to a new level of knowledge that will knock out the wrong mindset he has and you will be fine.
If you can teach her directly, please patiently and diligently do so. With commitment to teaching and patience in correction, you will be able to, not only remove mindsets that produce the offensive lifestyle, but implant the right mindset. If it’s someone you can’t teach, please expose him or her to teachings and associations that will help him learn. Even when you can teach him, it doesn’t stop you from exposing him to positive associations that will make your teaching more penetrating and fruitful.
If you, in any way, contribute to the offensive lifestyle, please change your ways. It’s possible that her offence is hinged on your failings or faults and not that she is just a bad fellow. As an example, if your wife finds it hard to respect you because of how foolish your decisions are or the manner you conduct yourself; please help her out by making adjustments. I am not trying to make excuse for her lifestyle; I am only saying that you should help her do the right thing.
In the same vein, if your husband sleeps around because your way of registering his offence or failure as afather and husband is by denying him sex, please stop and save him from adulterous lifestyle. Again, don’t get the impression that I endorse adultery under certain conditions; I don’t! If God wants us to marry one wife; I am sure He knows that extra one or a concubine is not necessary. However, my sister, I want you to help him obey God by giving him his marital privileges. If you can easily tell him when you are offended; please do so. If you can’t, use other subtle and harmless methods to communicate your annoyance.
Don’t be quick to call your child stubborn; did you plant the seed in him by being too mean to him? Are you sure you didn’t make him the thief he has become because you don’t care about his need? It’s not enough to be shouting at her about her escapades with men. Are you sure you didn’t push her into it with your negligence. I’m not saying your children are right in their ways. I am not also saying that the right course of action to take is the ones they have chosen, no matter how they are treated. My point is that you should appraise their poor performance in school, wild lifestyle and see if you played any role in it.
The perpetual offender offends because he has come under an influence and the greatest help you can give him is showing him the influences that produce the lifestyle he has while pointing out how he can get over it. Teach him if you can or expose him to people that will teach him and associations that will encourage him to a better lifestyle. Also, be sure you don’t in any way contribute to his offensive lifestyle. If you do, please withdraw your contribution henceforth and watch the perpetual offender become better.